I felt compelled to finally write tonight. I had already climbed into bed relishing the hope of a peaceful night after a three night stand off with my 5 month old. Thats right I have a five month old, this blog hasn't been touched in 6 months. Oh there have been countless times I have eloquently written a post in my head, promising myself that tomorrow I would get it all out on paper. Somehow a dirty diaper, or a hungry baby, or my extra full dVR got in the way. But tonight was different, I'm reading the book Bloom, by Kelle Hampton. I know she has her critics, and I have even said myself "she is just too rainbows and unicorns for me..." but really she's not. She's just like me and you, she has her insecurities and faults, but she's honest. Her story is lightyears from mine, but she managed to get me thinking enough that it was time to start writing again.
I walked back into the boys room to tuck them in and rest a quiet hand to feel the slow rise and fall of Zack's chest, and I was compelled to finally sit down and type. Life is so different than it was a mere 6 months ago. I find myself the Mom of 2 boys... its amazing that I get up and tend to them at all hours of the day and night, my every waking thought consumed with what they need, but on a daily basis I manage to think to myself wow, I'm a mom and I have 2 kids, how did I get here. And its not all rainbows and unicorns...sometimes it sucks. The laundry piles up, we are exhausted, the baby hasn't slept for more than a 2 hour stretch...but thankfully there are nights like this when I can read a few chapters of a book and be reminded why I love my life and wouldn't change a thing. I can drift off to sleep knowing my boys are tucked safely in their beds, I can crawl into my own bed and know Ryan's arm will instinctively curl around me. It's these small brief moments of clarity that make all the time outs, tantrums, and thrown toys worth it. I need to be reminded of these moments more often, and remind myself that it is the little things that mean the most....hopefully sitting down and starting again will motivate me to keep going....I need to tell Zack's story. I have five months of mommy moments to fill you in on.
XOXO
Erin
